Catching up
Fri 3 Jul 2009, 7:32 am
So. I haven’t been around here much lately. I’m not sure if you noticed. I’d understand if you didn’t. The whole “blog” thing has seemed a bit underwhelming lately, no? Caveat Lector is dead and I’m not feeling so hot myself. Or something.
One of the reasons I haven’t written much here in the past few months is that I have been working on writing a book. (That sound you just heard was my editor laughing. “‘Working’ he says? ‘Writing?’ I wonder what ’slacking off’ looks like!”) It has been a humbling experience. The ego boost from having someone say “would you like to write a book?” doesn’t quite make up for the months of inertia, self-doubt, and ever-growing dread as the sound of the deadlines wooshing by starts to drown out the Muse of Library Science whispering in my ear.
I have also been busy fighting off depression. I have been prone to mood swings and so on since I was an adolescent, and the blues have been getting harder for me to shake. Nothing dramatic, nothing worth making an after-school special about, just a lot of quality time spent staring into space.
So yeah. I AM A BARREL OF LAUGHS.
You may be asking yourself (as, indeed, I am asking myself) “why is he telling us this?” And I’m not sure. I don’t think I have ever deleted a post after publishing it, and this could be the first.
But I guess I’m trying to say that even though I have neglected this blog (along with many other things) I’m not quite ready to give up on it. I have things I want to write, some about libraries, some about other things. So this blog may be a bit more personal or a bit more random. I sort of miss the days before Twitter and FriendFeed where blogging and commenting was the primary way to communicate publicly on the web.
And I hope that the things that have kept me away from blogging are turning around. The book’s not quite done, but it will be. Soon. Really. And I’m doing what I can to keep my mood from flatlining. I’m feeling a bit more optimistic and energetic right now than I have in a few weeks, so I’m going to try and keep that trend going rather than regressing to the mean.
See you again soon.
- License:
- File under: Navel gazing
- Comments? 6
Hugs to you. Hang in there. I did the book dance last year and AS $DEITY IS MY WITNESS I’LL NEVER…
… wait, that probably isn’t what you wanted to hear, is it?
Comment by Dorothea — July 3, 2009 @ 8:23 am
Hey Steve! I serendipitously stumbled upon your blog and thought I’d say hi! Sorry to hear you’re feeling a little overwhelmed and dumpy–I’ll keep my fingers crossed that it’ll all pass soon. Looks like you’ve done well since SD and I’m so glad to see it!
Lyndsay
Comment by Lyndsay (remember me from UCSD?) — July 3, 2009 @ 8:42 am
Steve, I know we haven’t met but big hugs to you anyway. No book writing in my present or future (yet) but I well know the ins and outs of depression.
My blog has been on an almost permanent hiatus for about a year now. Progress towards finishing my 2nd grad degree is all but stopped and the search for a job is more of a lift the eyes to the horizon once in a while kind of thing.
But. The demon has been kept at bay (exc. for a small relapse early fall) by the process of falling deeply and madly in love and, more importantly, building a mutual friendship and really getting to know each other as we cement our future together. The rest will come in due time.
I guess what I’m trying to say is do what you can to focus on the things that truly are most important to you and the rest will come along. Or they won’t. But you’ll have done your best on the things that matter and everything else is gravy. And gravy does not belong on everything. ;)
Comment by Mark — July 3, 2009 @ 9:35 am
Thanks, all.
Lyndsay, of course I remember you! Thanks for commenting, especially since from the photos on your blog I’m guessing you are as pregnant as pregnant can be right about now.
Mark, I’m glad to hear that things are looking up for you, and I appreciate your advice. I may be lucky in that I don’t even really like gravy.
Comment by Steve Lawson — July 3, 2009 @ 12:11 pm
I’ll send you virtual hugs now, but I’m happy that I get to send you real hugs when I see you next week. I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling depressed — I’ve been there and I know how it can descend upon you so slowly and insidiously and squeeze the pleasure out of everything that once made you happy. I can’t imagine trying to write a book at the same time as coping with that, but I certainly felt a lot of that self-doubt (my poor husband had to deal with lots of late night crying about “what the hell did I get myself into! I can’t do this!”). I do know that you CAN do this, you’re brilliant, and that no one I know ever turned their manuscript in on time (except me, but I’m crazy). :)
I’m glad to hear that you’re not making any rash decisions about the blog. I’ve made a lot of stupid decisions while depressed and I’m glad you’re not doing the same. I know when you’re in the middle of depression it feels like things will never get better, but one day you’ll catch yourself laughing again and you’ll start feeling more “human” and you may want this medium again to share your thoughts in a longer format. It does get better — it always has for me.
I sure hope the blogosphere isn’t dead (though it hasn’t been looking that great lately) because I still really enjoy the format a lot more than FF and Twitter.
I can’t wait to see you next week!
Comment by Meredith — July 3, 2009 @ 3:18 pm
If you need a second set of eyes to read a draft, I will happily look at it and give you some review-worthy blurbage. Don’t worry at all about being random.
Comment by jessamyn — July 9, 2009 @ 3:33 pm